Tuesday, January 11, 2011

One Extremely Crazy Conspiracy Theory

I don't normally buy into conspiracy theories. I prefer facts and logic and eye-witness reports... which is a large part of why I'm Conservative and not Liberal.

I do believe that American astronauts landed on the moon (unlike Representative Sheila Jackson, who thinks we landed on Mars). I don't believe in alien abductions. And in all honesty, I can't even think of any other conspiracy theories off the top of my head... much less subscribe to any.

No, wait. I take that back. The Bermuda Triangle has always fascinated me. (Though I'm still not buying into the idea of little green men.)

What I could almost buy into, however, is the idea that Jared Lee Loughner shooting everybody up in Arizona this past weekend was staged. Oh no, I don't mean that the less-than-charming lad isn't really nuts, didn't really aim the gun, pull the trigger and kill six people.

I mean that maybe, just maybe, he had a little nudge from somebody with a bit more upstairs. You see, there was this Criminal Minds episode that I once saw where a washed out rock star's manager pushed a highly unstable young woman into killing specific people that his client spent some alone time with. The purpose? To jack up publicity for the rock star's upcoming album.

Fascinating piece of fiction, right? But it does seem to mirror this weekend's tragedy a bit if you think about it.

A Far-Fetched Bit of Make Believe

Just for kicks and giggles, let's set the stage...

It’s 2010 in the United States of America. The Democrat Party is increasingly falling out of favor with the public and it’s an election year.

Enter the American people, who are royally sick of being belittled and ignored. Feeling sick to their stomachs, the Democrat Party watches as they fall further and further in the polls despite their best efforts and desperate campaigns filled with slander, lies and name-calling.

Then, along comes Sarah Palin with her usual down-to-earth, gun-totin', blue-collar ways. This time, she's showcasing a map of the United States that marks each of the congressional races involving somebody who voted for Obamacare… with a very distinct symbol of a gun's crosshairs.

Arizona's Representative Gabrielle Giffords just happens to be on that map.

The Plot Thickens!

In March 2010, as the mid-term elections inch nearer, Ms. Giffords does an interview with MSNBC. The dozen or so people who still watch MSNBC can distinctly hear her say: "The way that she [Sarah Palin] has it depicted has the crosshairs of a gunsight over our district. When people do that, they have to realize there are consequences to that action."

(It's like foreshadowing in a novel!)

Like any classic villain, the Democrats see the opportunity to say “I told you so” to the ungrateful American people who just didn’t appreciate them the way they should have been appreciated. So they go digging around for some unstable party to coax into committing the actual crime for them. It takes a bit of digging, but every town has its nut jobs, and they eventually strike it rich. A few months of prodding and some subliminal messages is all it takes before their fall guy is ready to put a bullet into Ms. Giffords' unwitting head.

Instantly, without consorting a single real fact, the Liberals start screaming about how this was a hate crime spurred on by Conservative speech and ideas. And if they got to write the ending like they did the general plot, the American people would be fawning at their feet, gullible once more and eager to devour their ridiculous propaganda.

Fortunately though, the American people are wising up to such demeaning tactics and insipid anti-logic. One poll reports that a full 51% of respondents following the story don’t think the attack was based off of political rhetoric and only 31% believe it was.

Clearly, 31% of the country either has exceedingly low IQs, or no proper training/desire to use them.

One Further Piece of Intrigue… for the Story, of Course

It does seem extremely coincidental that of all the thousands upon thousands of locals the madman could have chosen to shoot, he chose Gabrielle Giffords, a woman who was both “targeted” by the right and overall unimportant to the left, as she was a “Blue Dog” Democrat and therefore supposedly trending towards the conservative side of the liberal agenda… hardly Nancy Pelosi’s loyal companion on any given day. (Though the fact that she did in fact vote for Obamacare shows that she doesn’t care nearly as much about fiscal conservation as she broadcasted to her voters.)

Now, I had already determined to write all of the above by yesterday morning. In fact, I was pondering this on Monday night as I got ready for bed. So imagine my fascination when I heard the following on the Rush Limbaugh program yesterday afternoon...

“Hey, folks, let's dabble here in a conspiracy theory just for the fun of it. While the Drive-Bys and Sheriff Dupnik and others are now trying to lay this squarely on me, who was it last November who actually suggested that Obama needed an event like this just like Clinton had the Oklahoma City bombing to revitalize his presidency? It was Mark Penn, a Democrat pollster and fundraiser. Well, what more do you need? You've got a Democrat fundraiser and pollster, Mark Penn (very popular, worked with Hillary), suggesting that what Obama needs is an event like Oklahoma City, people mass murdered to revitalize his presidency. All of a sudden here in early January, we get one.

“Why not connect the dots? Your average conspiracy theorist would suggest, ‘Are the Democrats behind this?’ Because Democrats, powerful Democrats, wished for this. It happened on Chris Matthews' show. Powerful Democrats wished for this as a means of an opportunity for the president to shore up his sagging base, poll numbers, what have you. Voila! In two months' time, we have a nutcase opening fire in Tucson, Arizona - and lo and behold, leading Democrats are conducting strategy sessions with the president on how he can use the right words to maximize this event. He wants to lay this on me or Palin when we have nothing to do with it, yet leading Democrats actually hoped for this. Interesting conspiracy theory, isn't it?”

It is an interesting conspiracy theory. But of course, that’s all it is. After all, the Democrat party has never lied, plotted or murdered before to get its own way.

But all the same, if I were a conspiracy theorist, I might see more than a few red flags at play...

I wonder if the Democrat Party watches Criminal Minds?

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