Monday, February 7, 2011

Chrysler’s Boring, Eminem-Toting, Taxpayer-Funded, $9 Million Super Bowl Ad

In my ever-humble opinion, the Super Bowl was a bust from start to finish…
  • Christina Aguilera’s off-key, off-quoted and frankly unattractive rendition of the Star Spangled Banner started the whole shindig off with a whimper. For somebody obsessed with promoting her looks, I was frankly surprised at how unattractively she could contort her mouth. Sorry for the pettiness, but it’s true.
  • The first half had me openly declaring my happiness that the Steelers were only my second favorite team. (Admittedly, my #1 pick of the Broncos did decidedly worse this year, but apparently Pittsburgh didn’t deserve to make it through the Playoffs either, judging by the way they played last night.) I mean, come on… They practically gift-wrapped those touchdowns for the Packers. Pathetic.
  • The Black Eyed Peas halftime show was just flat-out weird. Forget the technical difficulties the group seemed to be having, from their microphones going in and out to a large chunk of the lights in the V part of the platform – which spelled out LOVE – going oddly unlit. Fergie’s outfit stunk,’s head cap made me wonder if they had dragged him out of the shower or something, and they all sounded extremely sub par. Oh, and with all of those writhing bodies glowing red out on the football field… it rather reminded me of some Hollywood hell scene. Maybe from the Mummy 2? Indiana Jones? I don’t know, but it was not normal.
  • The second half seemed to pick up for a short while as the Steelers came into their own and the Packers faltered a bit, but the game was really never nail-biting the way a Super Bowl should be, and so I found myself largely more interested in the assorted snacks then in supporting my team… or watching them get manhandled up and down the field.
Am I a bad fan? Probably. But they weren’t exactly supportive of me either last night.

At least make it a good game, for heaven’s sake!

Lackluster Super Bowl Commercials

Then there were the commercials, which I didn’t include above for a reason.

For the most part, those were mediocre at best. Justin Bieber and Ozzy Osbourne barely deserved a chuckle, and Snickers had me saying “Huh?” much more than “Yum!”

Admittedly, Volkswagen’s Darth Vader was quite cute, and watching the guys watch – or try not to watch – Joan Rivers in her skimpy outfit was highly amusing. Plus, Pepsi Max scored big in my book with both commercials I saw aired.

But other than that, the advertisements were just plain dumb. Oh, and could somebody please tell Coke to get a new marketing department already? Haven’t they tired of their world peace schtick yet? It’s old, it’s boring and it’s borderline egomaniacal.

Chrysler Embracing Its Inner Thug after Sticking up Taxpayers

And then there was Chrysler, which also failed to please, despite its desperate attempt to generate Detroit pride through the likes of Eminem.

I could point out that Eminem is hardly an aboveboard role model to choose, considering his glorification of drugs, violence, misogyny and egomania, but that would be far too easy. (Plus, his beats are so darn catchy. And that clearly makes everything better.)

But more telling than whom Chrysler chose to represent is its choice to spend just under $9 million with one hand while reaching out for more government favors with the other.

Of course, every company needs to advertise in some way or another, and the Super Bowl is a great place to do just that. But in this economy, how many people are really going to respond to the advertisement in the way Chrysler so desperately wants them to?

Somehow, I’m not really confident the ends come even close to justifying the means in this case.

Not to mention that if you’re going to spend big boy money, you need to be able to accept big boy consequences, like the “shyster rates” CEO Sergio Marchionne is currently complaining his company suffers under.

Has he forgotten that Chrysler really has no business being in business at all right now? The only reason it is still technically afloat is because it received copious amounts of government assistance.

Somehow, I’m sure the Obama administration was up front about all of the fine print. After all, there were unions involved! And everybody knows that unions have a special place in any true liberal’s heart.

Mr. Marchionne might have better spent that $9 million on buying a clue… or big boy pants.

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