Friday, April 29, 2011

Life After Kate and William’s Royal Wedding

I’ve complained about the media’s incessant coverage of Kate and William’s bloody wedding for so long now, I almost don’t know what to do with myself now that it’s over.

Though I do sincerely hope that they’re happy and will even admit that the bride looked radiant (There, Kate and William groupies. Ya happy?), I’m still now left asking the million dollar question: What’s there to complain about now?

Fortunately, the press and the federal government are right there to help me out with my dilemma. Because if anybody knows how to give a girl a headache, it’s them.

Let’s start out with the big guys – or so they’d like to think – in D.C…

The ever intrusive Food and Drug Administration just completed a yearlong investigation of an Amish farm selling unpasteurized milk to willing buyers in the nation’s capitol.

Proponents say that the natural product is much healthier, but what do they know, right? The FDA – which looks the other way on potentially cancer-causing pesticides on produce – clearly knows what’s best for the American people, I’m sure.

… Or maybe the government should stop making such a big fuss about our choices and start considering its own, like with its insane levels of spending.

In fact, it’s so insane, that even a “growing number of Democrats are threatening to defy the White House over the national debt, joining Republican calls for deficit cuts as a requirement for consenting to lift the country’s borrowing limit,” according to the Washinton Post.

You know it’s bad when even Democratic politicians start calling for such measures. (Or maybe, knowing public opinion, they’re just terrified of losing their jobs after next year.)

Of course, the fact that only 27% of American citizens feel that the recession is really over should clue government dearest in as well. As should the 75,000 people who felt the need to apply for a mere 2,000 open positions earlier this month… at McDonalds.

Not that the press is acknowledging the predicament. They’re too busy calling Donald Trump a racist for nagging President Obama into producing a long-form birth certificate. Clearly asking the PotUS to meet U.S. standards is soooooo inappropriate. How dare he?

No wonder Superman is so fed up with America that he’s renouncing his citizenship.

Then again, his decision might also have something to do with general leftism on the writer’s part. Or it could simply be that Superman is a secret Kate and William groupie, intent on moving to the UK to be closer to them.

In this crazy world, you never know.

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