Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Cop “Killing” Rappers, the TSA – Again! – and a Tax on Parents with Obese Kids

This is one of those news days where everything is capturing my attention. So this is going to be one of those blog days where I just give you the rundown in as sarcastic a form as I can muster (which is pretty sarcastic, especially on a beautiful, blue-skied day when I would much rather be outside than sitting at my work desk)…

Let’s start in New Jersey, my birth state, where oversensitive cops are making a mountain out of a molehill. Sure Michelle Obama personally invited a rapper – who wrote about burning George W. Bush and shooting police officers – to her poetry gala. But that’s just art, right? And anyway, I’m sure he wasn’t condoning shooting black cops, so it’s all OK.

Now step sideways to Illinois, where state Senator Shane Cultra has proposed marvelous government intervention into child obesity: Tax their parents even further. Presumably, with less money, those families would be able to starve their kids into a more acceptable size, ensuring fewer problems for Obama’s healthcare mandates. Even better, this bright idea came from a Republican, showing that any mind can be turned into mush, even if it’s followed by “an itty bitty” R, as Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown might say.

But move over Illinois, because California might have a better solution. Just tell those children that if they work out enough, they have a shot at making $100,000-plus per year as lifeguards in Orange County! After all, nothing is too good for our public employees.

For example, look at the U.S.’s number one public employee, President Obama, who went down to Texas on Tuesday to praise his own ever-laudable efforts and trash his childish “enemies,” as he once called anybody who believed in national security:

“We have gone above and beyond what was requested by the very Republicans who said they supported broader reform as long as we got serious about enforcement. But even though we’ve answered these concerns, I gotta say I suspect there are still going to be some who are trying to move the goal posts on us one more time.”

And then with his signature brand of maturity, he said: “Maybe they’ll need a moat. Maybe they’ll want alligators” in it.

Oh, to have that level of class and grace! We mere mortals can only dream.

President Obama is also hard at work on another international relationship by asking the Muslim world – yet again – to usher in an age of peace and brotherly love… after he went and shot Osama bin Laden, a man some of them revere, in the head.

I’m sure this time will work. After Obama speaks, we won’t have any more incidences of Yemeni men trying to infiltrate San-Francisco-bound cockpits while yelling, “God is Great.”

Of that recent episode, all I have to say is “Thank heavens!” that the TSA was hard at work feeling up babies’ diapers. Otherwise, things might have gotten ugly.

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