Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Light Bulbs: the Scourge of the Earth?

Remember how conservatives – concerned about their Second Amendment rights – stocked up on guns after Obama was elected in 2008? Little did they know they were accumulating the wrong thing.

Because it isn’t firearms that are the first to go under a liberal regime… It’s light bulbs.

It may be hard to think of such everyday electrics as dangerous. But they are, liberals assure us, and the ever-helpful Associated Press provides valuable information to prove them right.

After all, The technology in traditional ‘incandescent’ bulbs is more than a century old. Such bulbs waste most of the electricity that feeds them, turning it into heat. The 100-watt bulb, in particular, produces so much heat that it’s used in Hasbro’s Easy-Bake Oven.”

Gasp of shock and horror! Whatever will we do? This sounds like a job for (insert jaunty theme music) the Liberal Lawmaker!!

Fortunately for us uneducated masses and “to encourage energy efficiency,” as the AP continues on ever so obligingly, “Congress passed a law in 2007 mandating that bulbs producing 100 watts worth of light meet certain efficiency goals, starting in 2012. Conventional light bulbs don’t meet those goals, so the law will prohibit making or importing them.”

I can just imagine two men in jail a few years down the road, meeting for the first time. Tommy the Terror, a Mafia hit man with 23 kills to his name, lounges on his bunk as the cell doors slide shut for lockdown.

“What are you in for?” He asks his roommate.

The new guy looks up at him with a maniacal gleam in his eye and a sadistic twist of his lips. “Importing incandescent light bulbs.”

Tommy gulps and presses himself against the cell wall as far as he can. “Please, don’t hurt me,” he begs.

And then the lights go out and Tommy starts screaming.

The truth is that selling those light bulbs on the sly will probably make for good business come next January, after the ban goes into full affect… since the new models will cost $50 bucks each.

Guess what I’m going to be stockpiling come this weekend? I’d suggest you do too if you want to be able to afford other necessities next year.

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