Monday, September 26, 2011

Obama’s Speech before the Congressional Black Caucus: the Translated Version

President Obama spoke to the Congressional Black Caucus on Saturday, urging them all but blatantly to support his reelection bid, despite the 16.7% unemployment African American suffer under three years into his first term.

It gets folks discouraged. I know. I listen to some of y’all,” he told the gathered crowd of 3,000. But, he continued, despite the fact that “many people are still hurting” and “so many people are barely hanging on,” it’s time to “take off your bedroom slippers. Put on your marching shoes. Shake it off. Stop complainin’. Stop grumblin’. Stop cryin’. We are going to press on. We have work to do.”

With President Obama’s abysmally narcissistic track record, no interpretation is necessary for this latest speech. But just for kicks and giggles, let me go for it anyway.

This is what he really meant:

“My reelection campaign managers tell me that you little people aren’t happy, so I have to dole out some lip service or I won’t get reelected. That’s why I’m going to use uneducated-sounding language such as ‘folks’ and complainin’,’ so that I sound less of the elitist snob that I am and more approachable to you uneducated masses.

“I’m not really lying when I say that I ‘listen to some of y’all’ either. Not that I care about lying, but this time I’m not. Really. You see, I listen to anybody who tells me that I’m amazing or agrees with my policies, or helps me sneak out to eat that burger I want so badly instead of the green garbage my wife force feeds me whenever she’s around.”

“So what that I don’t care if you’re hurting economically? So what if I consider myself far superior to you common American trash? So what if I go on vacations instead of working to enact policies that would help you? Shut up and get back to work on my political plantation!

“This is the bottom line: We’re all black, and therefore you have to vote for me next year. Because I say so!”

Hopefully, for their own sakes as well as the rest of the country’s, African Americans will recognize Obama’s empty words for what they are and either stay home next November or vote for people who will actually do something about this malaise the President won’t let us escape.

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