Thursday, April 5, 2012

Kendra Velzen Knows Her Rights… to a Guinea Pig on Campus

First we had the right to abortion, then to healthcare and birth control.

And now, it’s apparently to guinea pigs on campus.

I’m not even kidding, though I rather wish I was.

Student Kendra Velzen is suing Grand Valley State University in western Michigan for banning animals on campus. The basis for her lawsuit is simple: She suffers from both depression and a heart condition, which the guinea pigs allegedly treat in the form of emotional support.

But it isn’t just about her. Oh no. It’s the law!

Stephen Dane, Velzen’s lawyer, explains:

“The Fair Housing Act is not limited to trained therapy animals or service animals. There are no restrictions under the Fair Housing Act as to the nature of the animal that provides support or otherwise to tenants. There is one or more court decisions that say there is no training requires… for emotional support animals. There are a lot of people who just don’t understand what the Fair Housing Act requires, and it’s too bad.”

“It’s too bad?” Out of everything wrong in the world, not having a guinea pig is “too bad?”

Little children are being forced into prostitution in India and China right now, a father and husband is in jail facing the death penalty for his religious beliefs in Iran, and U.S. soldiers are returning home to families who have no idea how to cope with their loved ones’ post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

But we’re supposed to feel bad because Kendra Velzen can’t keep a guinea pig on campus?

What’s next? The right to chocolate chip cookies, specifically the soft-baked kind you can buy in tubs at Giant grocery stores? ‘Cause guess what? Those certainly help me through my emotional problems, so why shouldn’t I demand that other stores carry them as well to make things more convenient for me? Why should I have to toughen up and deal with it if the cookies are less available?

Please, somebody tell me when we started becoming a nation of such whiny, demanding children?

Oh right. It’s when liberal theology started taking over.

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