Tuesday, December 4, 2012

A Divided America Doesn’t Sound So Bad Right Now


You know, the more I read the news, the more I really do think that the only possible political solution available to America today is to divide the country in half.

Liberals get the western portion and Conservatives can have the East.

Over on their side, they’ll have wealthy businessmen and women like Warren Buffett, Bill Gates, Oprah Winfrey, Theresa Heinz-Kerry, most of Silicone Valley and the vast majority of Hollywood: Plenty of rich people to tax.

Gun control can be tight so that nobody but the government and thugs (Oops. That’s repetitive.) can hold any real power. Borders can be open, streaming in thousands of, well, non-illegals every day to add to poverty and crime levels. Criminals can be coddled, especially if they fit into some “minority” category. And healthcare, education – including classes on “condom negotiation” – and abortion can be free for all.

And on top of all that, the government can just keep inventing more currency, devaluing its dollar into bankruptcy and ultimate obscurity.

Conservatives, admittedly, would lose a lot out of this deal, like:
  • The shame of knowing we share citizenship with the likes of Joe Biden, who’s apparently dumb enough to send a “Get Well” card to an accused child molester
  • Far too easily accessible political commentary from CNBC’s Chuck Todd, who just promoted the idea that Republicans’ reticence to fall at Obama’s feet is practically the same thing as supporting slavery
  • An exceedingly intrusive government with an out-of-control spending problem that, like so many other addicts out there, chooses to blame others (i.e. citizens) for its problems, levying burdensome taxes instead of exhibiting some semblance of fiscal control

 Somehow though, I think we’d survive.

The same, however, can’t be said about the other side.

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