Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Snoop Dogg Starts Us off With a Who’s-Who on Today’s Stupid List

After looking over this morning’s headlines, I’ve decided that today’s blog is going to be one of those where I test my editorial skills by tying in rather unrelated stories into one coherent entry.

As usual when I do something like this, there will be a very easy common theme: the stupidity of the human race. (For those of you who read my “Angry and Confused” post back in January, I say this without a trace of malice, just realism.) But above and beyond that obvious fact, my challenge is to find more specific connections between the stories of just how low we’re capable of stooping if we just try hard enough.

And who better to exemplify stooping low than rapper Snoop Doggy Dogg, the man who has sung about being a P. I. M. P. with lowlife fellow rapper 50 Cent; bottles popping – one of the dumber trashy metaphors modern music has given us – with the Pussycat Dolls; and  being “all up on” brainless bimbos like Katy Perry? (Still not angry. Facts are facts, babe.)

Snoop Dogg recently went on record to say that the people he most wants to get high with are former U.S. President Bill Clinton and current U.S. President Barack Obama. Considering that Snoop Dogg isn’t attracted to intelligence, I’m not sure who his statement says more about.

Though maybe if our current President would spend more time chilling in a marijuana-induced haze with Snoop Dogg, he’d focus less on meddling in every aspect of our personal lives… right down to our pet’s healthcare. We’re now learning that the notoriously condescending, intrusive and expensive Obamacare is set to affect more than just our own doctor’s visits; it’s also going to jack up the already pricey trips pet owners have to make to the vet’s.

As if we really need government touching even that? Though, I suppose it stands to reason that if we’re too stupid to take care of ourselves, we can’t be responsible for anything else.

Piers Morgan – go figure – definitely seems to think so. In defense of one of the kings of condescension, NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg, and his attempted large soda ban, Morgan said that “people need the nanny state occasionally, particularly on issues like smoking, drinking, guzzling sodas that are too big for them, you know, eating 16 Big Macs a day. Whatever it may be, the reality is we all need a bit of nannying about that. That’s why so many people are on diets. That’s a form of nanny state.”

That kind of mind-boggling and largely inane reasoning is the same exact kind that has led the federal government to commission a $1.5 million study on why the majority of lesbians are obese… while we suffer with the results of its own fiscally gluttony. And it’s also doubtlessly contributed to America’s top military officer in charge of monitoring North Korean hostility, Navy Admiral Samuel J. Locklear III, claiming that climate change is this nation’s biggest threat.

Or maybe he had just finished smoking up with Snoop Dogg.

Who knows.

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