What would we do without Breitbart?
I mean, sure, we’d still have Fox News and a bunch of blogs, but the former usually doesn’t employ sarcasm and the latter are too often obscure. I don’t read them because I can’t find them.
Breitbart, however, is the perfect mix of the two: big-brand enough to be easily accessible but non-corporate enough that it can say whatever and however it wants. So it encourages writers like John Hayward, who lambasted the government, the government shutdown and the United States Postal Service in an article that had me grinning and shaking my head simultaneously.
That takes some serious talent. And I can’t think of another place to find the following info…
The aforementioned U.S. Postal Service has apparently cancelled an entire set of stamps. According to its side of the story, it received “concerns from the President’s Council on Fitness, Sports & Nutrition over alleged ‘unsafe’ acts depicted on three of the stamps.”
Hayward wonders in his writing, “What were these unsafe activities? Binge drinking? Smoking? Juggling machetes while skydiving? Attempting to purchase an attractive health insurance plan without the firm guidance of government ‘navigators?’”
Come on! How can that not make you crack a smile? But moving on…
Before I let him answer his questions, I have to add other details gleaned from his article. Like the fact that these stamps were originally created to celebrate First Lady Michelle Obama’s “Let’s Move!” program, which allegedly aims to encourage children into healthy lifestyles, but actually promotes eating disorders, bullying and nanny state dependency.
To commemorate the program’s alleged purpose, the stamps showed what the Postal Blog says were “a cannonball dive, skateboarding without kneepads and a headstand without a helmet.”
Quoting Hayward again, “Did you know your child was required to don a helmet before performing a headstand? Well, now you do. [Thank you, nanny state! Thank you!] And if you’re going to let them climb on a skateboard without kneepads, you might as well order up a kid-sized coffin and start making funeral arrangements…
“Allowing your child to gain access to a stamp that pictures a happy kid performing a cannonball dive is essentially like giving them a page from the Necronomicon to lick and press onto that ‘How I spent My Summer’ letter to Grandma, so the entire run had to be annihilated. The funniest part is that we’ve got stamps made in honor of the First Lady’s pet project destroyed due to concerns from the President’s Council on Fitness, Sports & Nutrition.”
Yeah, that is pretty funny. Thanks Breitbart for a great start to my Friday!