Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, get ready for a tale of misery you haven’t heard since the days of Little Bunny Foo Foo getting bopped by The Good Fairy.
Don’t remember Little Bunny Foo Foo? If you had a pre-K or K public education, you should. He was the poor little rabbit who went hopping through the forest, scooping up the field mice and bopping them on the head until The Good Fairy came along to ruin his fun.
Twice she warned him that, if he didn’t stop playing around with the cry-baby field mice, she would turn him into a goon. But free-spirited Little Bunny Foo Foo kept right on bopping those rodents, essentially telling the winged dictator to go to you-know-where.
So she delivered on her threats, heartlessly plunging Little Bunny Foo Foo into goondom.
Poor Little Bunny Foo Foo.
Our Congressmen are just as distressed these days. You see, due to the government shutdown, the House of Representative’s private gym is all but closed. The only reason it’s not completely closed is because a number of politicians store personal items there and clearly can’t be expected to pack up their stuff and store ‘em elsewhere.
But there’s nobody to check members in, and they have to pick up – and reuse! – their towels.
Apparently, some lawmakers live in their offices during their Washington “visits.” (Not jobs, mind you. Visits. Like vacations, right?) And since they rely on the gym’s showers, they “need” the gym to stay open.
“This job is very stressful and if you don’t have a place to vent, you are going to go crazy,” says Representative Don Young, a Republican from Alaska.
He also noted that “the gym is just a room. There are machines but there are no trainers.” And Republican Representative Jeff Duncan of South Carolina adds it costs its exclusive members $250 a year and can be compared to a YMCA in that it includes cardio machines, a weight area, a swimming pool and a basketball court.
For his part, Representative Jim Moran, a Democrat from Virginia, just seemed hung up on the notion that he has to, “save your towel. You have to reuse it because we let the staff go.”
I’m sure that, if The Good Fairy were there, she’d heartlessly tell them something like “Suck it up, cupcakes” or “I’m guessing it’s a little nicer than a YMCA” or “You really think that $250 a year pays for the gym’s employee salaries, utilities and upkeep? In Washington D.C.?”
She might even be so cruel as to add “You think you’re stressed? Try living in a country whose corrupt or cowardly leaders are leading you down a path into a freedom-less financial ruin.”
That Good Fairy. She’s so mean.