Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Why Getting Dumped by a Guy I really Liked Was the Best Thing for Me

I was recently dumped recently by a guy I really liked. He was smart and cute and funny and respectful and thought I was pretty awesome. I mean, what else could a girl ask for?

And then he dumped me. Three months in, he decided he needed to work through some issues on his own. It came completely out of the blue, and I’ll admit it upset me a good bit. Over three weeks later, I’m still shedding some tears. While I’m completely capable of surviving single, I nevertheless catch myself thinking it’s him when I get a text message, and I still want to tell him about the little things that randomly pop into my head or happen during my day.

Frankly, it’s kinda sad. Worse yet, I felt like God brought him into my life. I believed that God gave me the green light to test things out. And I thought that God repeatedly told me to stay put and trust him whenever control-freak little me wanted to run for the emotionally safe hills.

It wasn’t until I got attached to this guy and comfortable letting God lead the way that it ended.

At first evaluation, it seems royally rotten of God to trick me like that. Either that or it wasn’t God at all. Just a stupid set of coincidences that ultimately meant nothing: a blatant misreading on my part that I heard from God or, worse yet, that God exists at all.

But I can easily rule out that last possibility when I know God exists. I know it because the universe is far too mysterious to happen without his hand. Our genetic makeup is way too complex to evolve unaided from a single-cell organism. The range of colors and shapes and abilities around us are exceedingly too diverse to exist thanks to some uninspired explosion.

I’m equally certain I heard from God. Those messages weren’t lost in translation. I felt his guidance, learning powerful lessons through my brief dating experience. Lessons on trusting God and letting my control-freak self go. For my own good. Lessons I wouldn’t trade for the world.

Nor would I trade the aftermath, teary though it’s been. God has continued teaching me through this latest phase of my life, helping me enjoy the moment instead of fussing over the future, which rarely (read never) works out the way I plan anyway. Essentially, he’s opening up new promises and possibilities I wouldn’t have been ready for if he hadn’t brought this guy into my life… but wouldn’t have had time to concentrate on if I hadn’t gotten dumped.

I don’t know what’s going to happen going forward. Every time I try to write out some ending to all of this – telling myself alternately that this guy is probably waiting for me around some future corner, or that I have to come to grips with him not being in my life at all – I’m reminded that my story is not my own to write. I gave my eternal ending to God a while ago, and I gave my short-term earthly existence to God at the beginning of this dating and now dateless saga.

While that doesn’t mean I don’t still cry a bit, it does mean the tears are and will be worth it. And the benefits I’m already seeing this early on? I know there’s plenty more to come so long as I accept whatever state of being God brings me.

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