Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Final “Wolf of Wall Street” Script Contains 506 F-Words

There are certain writing tricks that are cheap and require no talent to wield.

Like a “magician” who stacks his deck with 52 identical cards, so is a “writer” who describes too many sexual encounters, sets up too many damsel-in-distress scenes, or pens too many swearwords.

To some degree, I do think all three can have a place in creative writing. But they’re to be used sparingly for several reasons… one being that they don’t reflect well upon their writers.

Any talentless hack can write a sex scene, throw female characters into the path of extreme jerks, or string the proper number of letters together to form the F-word or any other vulgarity. In fact, the first two are about as easy as the last one.

More often than not, those three elements are fillers. They’re lines that push the page count or the movie length up. They don’t actually add any value to the story, in part because there’s no effort or genius behind them.

They’re like particularly bad Prada knockoffs where there’s a letter missing and the stitch work is a mess. Somebody put time into putting the fake together, but the bare minimum at best.

So it’s not only unbecoming, it’s also pathetic when writers resort to such tactics too many times.

That makes Martin Scorsese and his crew pretty unbecoming and pathetic, considering his latest flick, “Wolf of Wall Street.” According to Yahoo!, the film has a total of 506 F-words in it… an average of 2.83 F-words per minute for the 180-minute film.

People, that’s not a script. That’s a trained monkey banging on a keyboard. And a boring trained monkey at that.

I don’t know about you guys, but I want variety in my art. I don’t want to just look at the color blue in paintings any more than I want to read the same plotline in my novels or hear the same word 506 times in a single movie.

I don’t even care what the word is. If Scorsese had substituted every F-word for something else – let’s say, “Flip” or “Faerie” or “Fahrenheit” for all I care – it would still be offensive.

Why? Because Scorsese expects me to pay money to listen to something that has the creative genius of a trained monkey banging on a keyboard!

I deserve better than that. So do you, regardless of whether you realize it or not.

As for Scorsese and his crew? They deserve to never get paid for another piece of “writing” again.

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