Thursday, March 27, 2014

Joan Rivers Calls Size Six Lena Dunham Fat

I can’t stand Lena Dunham.

She’s a blight on femininity, an absolute moron, and generally just irritating to listen to. I could go on, considering how many times she takes her clothes off for the camera, but that would be borderline crass. Despite being completely true.

However, for all of her overwhelming faults, one thing Lena Dunham is not is fat.

Newsflash people: Just because you’re bigger than a size zero does not make you fat. Actually, the same goes for sizes two, four, six, eight and 10. Unless you have particularly unique proportions, you’re probably not fat as a 12 or 14 either. Maybe a little chunky, but hey, chunky can be pretty darn cute.

And it’s a heck of a lot more attractive than seeing someone’s skeletal structure.

I mean… Ew!

I’m going to guess that Lena Dunham is a size six or an eight. Yet she’s been slammed by her fellow morons in Hollywood multiple times for being fat.

The latest one is Joan Rivers, who really shouldn’t be talking about numbers considering that she’s like… What? A hundred and five years old while desperately trying to look like she’s twenty-nine?

Seriously, she reminds me of a line from The Emperor’s New Groove, where Emperor Kuzco introduces “… Yzma, the emperor’s advisor: living proof that dinosaurs once roamed the earth.”

To be fair to Rivers, all of that Botox might have done some serious damage to her brain. That could be why she would go on Howard Stern’s show to tell listeners that Dunham’s oft-spouted  lines about loving yourself the way you are regardless of size, sends “a message out to people saying, ‘It’s okay! Stay fat! Get diabetes. Everybody die. Lose your fingers.”

If that wasn’t dumb enough, Rivers proved what a sizest hag she is by asking how Dunham can “wear a dress above the knee.” In other words, Dunham is too obese to be showing off her legs.

This leads me to stress again that sizes six and eight are not fat. Saying otherwise does a gross disservice to society.

If we’re really worried about sending unhealthy messages to women, how about we tell them that they don’t have to starve themselves to fit into some unrealistic concept of male fantasyland? How about we explain that they’re worth more than the clothes they put on or take off? Or that the party scene probably isn’t where they want to be?

Oh yeah. And while we’re at it, we should probably tell them to stay away from Botox too. 

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