Friday, July 18, 2014

All I Know Is I’m Not Home Yet

Twice now this week, I’ve had fairly familiar, inappropriate – on his part, not mine – encounters with one of my coworkers…

I think.

I’m about 99% sure. Maybe even 99.9%.

My confusion lies in the fact that this individual is rather unique. He’s what I call a “creeper,” but the only person I’ve ever seen him creep on is me. And believe me, I’ve done my best to prove otherwise.

This singular creepiness sometimes makes me wonder if I’m going crazy.

Now, he’s never said anything inappropriate to me. Really, he barely speaks to me at all (though again, he’s not like that with anyone else). He only ever stares, sometimes for ten creepy seconds at a time. Usually at my face. Usually. And there was one whole rotten week where I felt pretty darn small under his intense and repeated scrutiny.

Then again, sometimes he doesn’t pay me any attention at all, at least from what I can tell. In fact, before this Wednesday, I don’t think he ogled me once for a lovely two months.

This inconsistency also makes me doubt myself.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t like wondering whether I’m making stuff up or not. Nor do I like falsely accusing people of being creepers. So I really wish I had the hutzpah to confront him about all of this and clear the air once and for all.

I most definitely don’t have that kind of hutzpah, however. And even if I did, there’s absolutely no guarantee I’d get the truth out of him. Let’s face it, if I’m right and he does have an unnatural fascination of me, he’d probably play the “crazy female” card, as men are prone to do when they’re trapped by facts and logic presented by a dissenting woman.

Regardless, while I mused this morning about whether I’m making things up or not, and all of the things I don’t know and probably never will know, Building 429’s “Where I Belong” started running through my head.

The chorus goes like this:

All I know is I’m not home yet.
This is not where I belong.
Take this world and give me Jesus.
This is not where I belong.

So here’s my conclusion on the whole stupid drama… Is my creepy coworker checking me out like a thirteen-year-old who just realized girls exist?

Who knows. I don’t. Not for 100% sure anyway.

But what I do know is a heck of a lot more important than that… That I have a home far, far away from creepers – both real and imagined – and uncertainties and insecurities.

Seriously, take this world and give me Jesus. Because this world isn’t worth it. Not one bit.

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