Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Breaking News! Elle Fanning Makes for an Adorable Brunette! Like Totally OMG!!!!!!

Why do we care so much about celebrities? I do not understand this.

I opened up one of those pointless, mindless celebrity articles on Yahoo! this morning. For what reason, I don’t know. Maybe because of the title: “Movie innocent goes brunette.”

The girl in question, Elle Fanning, looks cute as a blond and adorable as a brunette, and has a lovely smile regardless. The article, on the other hand, is anything but attractive…

“Fanning walked the carpet with straight, stylish, dark brown hair…”

[Editor’s Note: My hair is dark brown. This girl’s is medium brown. Stupid fashion critics.]

“… a big departure from what her fans are used to seeing in films like We Bought a Zoo and Super 8. The unexpected switch caused a wave of online interest. ‘**Sound the new hair alarm, y’all** Elle Fannie is no longer blonde. I repeat, no longer blonde,’ tweeted MTV Style…”

“Sound the new hair alarm?” There’s such thing as a “new hair alarm?” Seriously?

Even tongue-in-cheek, that’s just embarrassing. I’m embarrassed for MTV Style, and all the other ridiculous sources who thought that a 16-year-old changing her hair color was newsworthy.

I mean really. Who cares?!!

No offense to her (no, really. I mean it.), but her dye job isn’t curing the Ebola epidemic. It’s not fighting the ISIS terrorists, who may or may not be beheading children, and are definitely beheading adults. And it’s not helping turn around our appalling education system, which encourages children of all ages to stay intellectually brainwashed, emotionally stunted and physically obsessed.

So how about we all focus on the real issues at hand instead of whether someone so remotely unconnected to us looks adorable or not. We might find that there’s more to live for than what color our hair is.

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