Thursday, September 25, 2014

How You Can Easily Tell When a Piggish Politician is a Democrat or Republican

Here’s a good question: When politicians get caught at strip clubs or participating in other indecent acts, how can you easily tell whether they’re Democrat or Republican?

There are a few tricks I’d recommend to properly identify the disgraced oinkers:

1.      Look at the headline. If it excuses the candidate – such as Yahoo’s “Should we care if a candidate visits a strip club?” – then the pig in question is a Democrat.
2.      Check out the subhead. If it doesn’t mention a specific party, then the pig in question is a Democrat. For example: “The case of Kansas gubernatorial candidate Paul Davis raises important questions for the media – and voters.”
3.      Read the first paragraph. If it sounds about as wishy washy as… well… this: “Take a minute to consider the most reckless or embarrassing thing you’ve ever done. Think about that shameful moment or period in your life you choose not to revisit because it makes you wince. And then ask yourself: Should that moment be the measure of your character? The only thing anyone remembers about you?” If it reads anything like that, then yeah: The pig in question is most definitely a Democrat.

Apparently, this particular incident happened in the 90s, when the now 42-year-old Paul Davis was 26 and single. And as Yahoo also assures us, “He’s now 42, a dad and a state legislator.”

Who cares? I still want to know if a politician I’m considering voting for – whether Democrat, Republican or Independent – has shown that kind of poor judgment/misogyny. Because if he thought that little of women before, then there's a decent chance he'll be a repeat offender.

Call me old-fashioned.

Maybe it’s that antiquated mindset that also has me gaping in outrage at Yahoo News’ Matt Bai’s next lines of:

“For those of us who write about politics for a living, all of this should provoke a different set of complicated questions. Such as: When does boneheaded private behavior become relevant to one's public integrity? And who gets to decide – the media or the voters?”

Ummm… Come again? “Who gets to decide – the media or the voters?”

The voters, stupid! I don’t need you to think for me! I’ve got my own brain, especially since you clearly don’t know how to use yours. I bet that if a Democrat candidate walked around wearing a “It’s not rape: It’s a snuggle with a struggle” t-shirt (which was being sold in a department store in the Philippines), you’d excuse that too, you know-nothing twerp!

God save us from piggish politicians. And their self-important minions in the media.

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