Thursday, February 5, 2015

Gasp of Shock and Horror: NBC News Anchor Brian Williams Lied to Us!

My world view has just crumbled. My life as I know it is over. I’m devastated.

Why? Because lauded NBC News Anchor Brian Williams admitted yesterday that he lied about being under fire in 2003 while he was covering the onset of the Iraq War.

I mean, if I can’t trust Brian Williams or NBC News, who can I trust?!

Except wait… Perhaps I can breathe again? Maybe my faith in our news press can be restored? Because he didn’t “lie” after all. Not the way he describes it, at least. He just made a “mistake.”

So I can give him at least a portion of my trust and devotion still, right? How can I not when he issued the following heartfelt apology, explaining that:

“After a groundfire incident in the desert during the Iraq War invasion, I made a mistake in recalling the events of 12 years ago. It did not take long to hear from some brave men and women in the air crews who were also in that desert. I want to apologize. I said I was traveling in an aircraft that was hit by fire. I was instead in a following aircraft… This was a bungled attempt by me to thank one special veteran and, by extension, our brave military men and women, veterans everywhere, those who have served while I did not.”


“I would not have chosen to make this mistake. I don’t know what screwed up in my mind that caused me to conflate one aircraft with another.”

Letting go of my previous snark and turning to a more honest brand of sarcasm… That makes two of us, hunny bunny. That makes two of us.

I mean, I’ll admit that I’ve confused my real life with movies or dreams before. But those were for little details, not being fired on in the air in a foreign country while covering the Iraq War.

Oh yeah, and I’ve always realized no more than a minute after I made the mistake. I didn’t perpetuate it multiple times for audiences everywhere, and only come to my senses after someone called me out on the carpet.

So basically, he lied. Unless he needs to check into an assisted living facility for early onset Alzheimer’s, then yeah: He lied.

But that’s what our newsmen and women do for a living. They take stories and manipulate them to suit their own often twisted versions of reality.

Fortunately, I already knew this. So I’m pretty sure I can go on with my day as usual after all, knowing that haters are gonna hate… and the media can’t be trusted.

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