Thursday, February 12, 2015


I’m going to rant once more, and then I’m going to let it go…

I am so utterly, completely and totally sick of “Fifty Shades of Grey.” I’m sick of my Facebook friends talking about it, whether in positive terms or negative ones. I’m sick of seeing headlines about it on every website possible.

I’m sick of seeing Dakota Johnson’s insipid face. (Like REALLY sick of seeing Dakota Johnson’s insipid face.) And I’m sick of hearing how:

“Jamie Dornan is pretty open about his challenges playing bondage enthusiast and business tycoon Christian Grey… Dornan says it was the sex scenes that got him the most twisted. The 32-year-old Irish actor recently told Britain’s Notebook magazine (via the Daily Mail) he found it extremely difficult to beat up on his co-star during the rough-and-tumble bedroom scenes. ‘If I was about to be doing something particularly heinous to Dakota [Johnson, who plays Anastasia Steele], I would apologize in advance and say, ‘I’m probably not going to derive a huge amount of pleasure out of this. I want you to know that.’’ Dornan would go so far as to run to Johnson and cover her up after the director yelled, ‘Cut!’”

Then why continue on in the role if it made you feel so “twisted,” you moron!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Or how…

“Similarly, Johnson has experienced a sort of walk-of-shame-effect with the movie coming out, telling the Sunday Telegraph she’s had moments where she’s thought, ‘What the f—k have I done?’”

Let me help you out there, Dakota. You’ve turned yourself into a pathetic piece of trash that’s feeding into women’s apparent fantasy of being treated like pathetic pieces of trash. That’s what.

(And nope, I’m not talking about the whips and chains part. The non-sexual interactions between Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele are so much more degrading.)

Okay. Admittedly, reading the above quotes is my own stupid fault since I clicked on the stupid article in the first place. If I hadn’t, I would have only seen the Yahoo headline “‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ Featurette Reveals Jamie Dornan’s Struggle to Become Christian Grey (Exclusive).”

But my personal masochism aside, here’s the bottom line, people: Anyone who likes this book or movie is pathetic. Like nauseatingly pathetic.

“Fifty Shades of Grey,” the book – and probably the movie – has no redeeming qualities. Not from an intellectual perspective, or a feminist, religious or even entertainment standpoint.

And if you think otherwise, then please get out of my face because looking at you, reading about you or hearing about you makes me want to give up on humanity in general.

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